CocoMira, Canada Post and my sister’s love of Chapters has changed my life – and maybe soon my waistline.

CocoMira, a Canadian company, makes these awesome toffee/chocolate combos. They come in Maple Crunch, Hazelnut Crunch, and Dark Chocolate Crunch. They are free of so many things – like gluten, eggs, high fructose corn syrup, and preservatives. And even though they lack in so many bad things, they make up for it in good things, like flavour and sugar.

And it’s been proven that snaking on these makes you better at Super Mario, just ask Husband!

My sister found these at Chapters, and the website says that you can also find them at Second Cup and Whole Foods. Happy Snacking!

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The funniest part about that statement is that I actually haven’t been to the Stampede in almost 3 years. Like most Calgarians who were born and raised in the “Heart of the New West”, I eventually came to a point where I associated Stampede with bad fashion, cheap beer and obnoxious tourism. Now that I’m not there, I kind of miss those things.

For those of you wearing your cowboy hats and suddenly injecting “yee haw” into your everyday speech, here are some GF pancake breakfasts I’ve been told are happening.

Calgary Chapter of the Canadian Celiac Association

Saturday July10th at 10am

Purified Water Store

#315, 2555 32st NE

And

Community Natural Foods

Saturday July 17th 7-10am

202 – 61st Ave SW (Chinook Center Location)

I haven’t been able to verify this one personally, but please do look into it. I think it would be awesome if they had one and everyone came out to prove that we matter!

In commemoration of Stampede, I am currently walking around Washington DC with a cowboy hat on my head. And TRUST me when I say, this is not something they are used to!

Happy Stampeding Y’all.

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For some this is not that big of a deal. For Calgarians, this is depressing. Your weather has sucked and the sun seems to be illusive. And for that I am sorry for you. In this, your dark rainy hour, I offer you a little solstice I call My Life.

The summer solstice here was incredible. According to the weather channel it was a hot and humid 85 degree day (29.68 Celsius and yes I googled that). There was a light breeze and the birds were singing. And I got to spend it in the most wonderful way – reading complex social theory.

Ha. You were wondering how that was supposed to make you feel better weren’t you? I read a total of 53 pages of social theory -  theories that came with words like fissiparousness and dei ex machina. Trying say that ten times fast, and better yet, if you know what it means can you please let me know. Oh and to make things even juicier, I even got to take notes on it all. Awesomness!

In an attempt to save me from my life, Husband decided he would treat me to the greatest dinner ever. Hot Dogs and Alphatots! Oh my sweet Buddhas, for a moment there, you wanted to switch me places didn’t you?

To construct this master piece meal we used buns from The Grainless Baker, Nathans Famous Beef Franks and Ian’s Alphatots.

Let’s start with The Grainless Baker: Hello to you.

The buns were soft but held firm enough to hold the hot dogs. They steamed well and they did not dry up. I found these at Wegman’s, I’m not sure where they may be in your area but please leave your sightings in the comments section for those who may live around you.

Next is Nathans Famous Beef Franks: Hi Nathan, can we be BFF’s?

The franks were great. They stayed juicy and most importantly they tasted normal. They tasted like real people hot dogs. Like the kind I could feed my family without having to tell them there GF. Such a great thing. I found these at Harris Teeter.

Finally we have Ian’s Alphatots: Another one of the many men in my life.

We bought these for you, the people of Glutastic. When we saw them our collective age and maturity told us that we had no need for such childish things as Alphatots. BUT, this isn’t about us, it’s about you. Okay, okay, who are we trying to fool. This purchase was all about us and the need to reject the confines of adulthood and maturity and have fun playing with our food. So, that being said, Husband and I were both very impressed by the outcome. The tots are a great combination of crisp outside and soft potato inside. My only complaint is that there wasn’t a full alphabet in the bag. That’s like having fridge poetry without enough “is” or “and” magnets. Oh well, I guess we can’t have everything all at once. And in case you’re wondering, I found these at Harris Teeter, or shall I say Husband found them while skipping up and down the frozen isle to stay warm.

The final verdict: Hot dogs are the dei ex machina of being me.

(you are so going to google that now.)

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The voice in my head: This has to be awesome. The box is cool, the name is cool, and it says that they love them in Brazil. I like Brazil. Never been to Brazil. But if I do go, I know I can eat Cheenies. Which is perfect because I think I need to go to Brazil. Yup it’s a need. I love sun and beaches and for all that is holy and full of sprinkles I think I LOVE Brazil. Need to go.

Really that’s all it takes to make up my mind. If I can turn something into a need that will fulfill some aspect of my future life, I do it. Our needs will always be met and that is why I know I need a chocolate pony that poops M&M’s. That is for another day.

On this day my need was for Cheenies – which the box says are cheese bite rolls.

Well, I can’t say that I have felt the need to have them since. Because I still don’t really know what they are. Don’t get me wrong, I just said they were cheese bite roles, but they’re not. The box may say they are but they aren’t. And now I am left questioning what the people of Brazil would consider cheese and rolls. Maybe this isn’t the match made in heaven that I thought it was. Oh no, does that mean that I maybe don’t need that pony?

Sorry, what am I thinking. I NEED that pony, especially since I’ve already named him Sparkles.

Okay, back to the point. I’m not a fan of Cheenies. I found them greasy, lacking in the cheese aspect and they smelt a little like burnt cream puffs.

And now that I think about it, I may in fact NEED a cotton candy elephant that poops cream puffs. I wouldn’t want sparkles to be lonely. I shall name him Dexter.

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It’s as simple as baking you’re own bread.

Finding decently tasting, relatively affordable, GF bread has been a bit of a challenge. So in light of these challenges I went where I have gone before – to the kitchen. (insert dark, intense, suspenseful music here)

Having been given a bread machine from my parents, I set out to find as many varieties of GF bread mix as possible. I was a girl on a mission to be all awesome and domestic and budget conscientious and generally just be a whole lot of greatness in one person. As things progressed I really felt like I was on my way. I had chosen three very different breads: Bob’s Red Mill Homemade Bread Mix, PaneRiso Foods Rice Bread and Baking Mix, and Schar White Bread Mix.

As I thought out how I was going to present this post to everyone I decided that I would evaluate the breads on the following criteria: Taste, Moistness, and Ease of Use. Well, that shortly changed to Taste, Ease of Use and Flame Potential. When you stop laughing and looking at the page puzzled, I ask you to stop for a moment and remember who I am – I should have been able to guess that somehow fire and destruction would find there way in to my kitchen adventure.

So here we go, this is what I discovered:

1. Bob’s Red Mill Homemade Bread Mix.

I heart Bob. Bob has been this steady loving man in my life. He never disappoints and he always has a smile on his face. Another thing that I love so very much about Bob is that he’s not afraid to dumb things down for Domestic Anti-goddesses like myself. The mix came with the yeast needed. Let’s be honest people, there is a very large chance that I would mess even that part up if it hadn’t been handed to me. And the instructions couldn’t have been any easier to follow.

So in the machine it went. In hind sight I probably should have checked to see if the mix was compatible with bread machines. But that’s hind sight. Only useful when it’s too late.

As Husband I were enjoying the smell of freshly baked bread we jolted out of our chairs by a smell. The smell of burning. Initially I thought the neighbours were burning their dinner and I was about to make a snide comment about it when Husband interrupted my evil thoughts screaming: The Mushroom Collapsed.

After the 30 seconds it took me to decode what he actually meant, I rushed over to the kitchen where he was standing, digging out the chucks of bread on fire in the bottom of the machine. See..

I’ve since learned that bread in a machine has a tendency to rise above the rim of the bowl and start to resemble a mushroom cloud. And sometimes, that mushroom breaks off, and pieces fall on to the heating element and light on fire. If you have the ability to extrapolate and find humor in the oddest places, that series of statements will provide you with hours of comedy material. Anyhow. Turns out the mushroom collapsed and we had ourselves are very own fire in the machine.Thanks to Husbands quick thinking and skills with utensils from Ikea, he got the pieces out and the fire contained and the smoke cleared and I had bread.

After all that I will say, the bread was really nice. It was a little dense and thus I only used it for opened faced sandwiches, but all in all, Bob did good. That’s the thing about Bob. He can still make it good when I try to burn the house down. Points for Bob.

2. Schar White Bread Mix

Moving past our fire from before I decided to tackle the next round. I was again happy to discover that the yeast was included. NICE. I really love being able to narrowly avoid another trip to the grocery store. The directions were Glutastic proof and we loaded up the machine. In an attempt to be all Martha Stewart with a better hair cut, I decided to pick a different setting. This time I chose light crust setting. Why not, right?

The smell of fresh bread began to fill the apartment. Pleasantly surprised when there was no fire, we waited anxiously for the bread to be ready. Turns out that our Albino bread was worth the wait. It was moist, and held together well. From a taste standpoint, it was good. It still had the trade mark GF taste where you know that what you’re eating is GF but it wasn’t overwhelmingly “not normal”. I would say that the bread was again a little to dense for a sandwich, so open faced was the only way to go.

3. PaneRiso Foods Rice Bread and Baking Mix.

This one is for my people. Why? Because it’s Canadian. I was really happy to find this product. I have never seen them before and thought it was really very funny to find the Canadian brand only after moving to the USA.

As I sung the National Anthem and began getting everything I would need to start mixing it all together I noticed one major issue. I would need to buy yeast. Yarrgg. So after a few days we made our trip the grocery store and 30 minutes later left with yeast. Seriously people, you can judge me all you want but I really did not find the experience fun. There were too many choices and labels and packages. I’m not one for having too many choices. Simple is best.

Oh well. Moving past the extra trip, I decided that this was going to be awesome. So I loaded up the machine and prayed for sunshine. Again, I think hindsight would have helped. 30 minutes later Husband and I were in a familiar place – him digging out the fire and me fanning the fire alarm so that the entire 12 story building wouldn’t be evacuated over my inability to be in a kitchen without disaster.

Pushing forward and unable to claim defeat when I see it, we finished the bread cycle and kept an open mind. Things did not look like they were going to end well. The bread imploded.

Not being one to waste bread I decided to carry on and make a sandwhich. The following interaction best describes the experience:

Husband: How’s your lunch?

Me: My sandwich tastes like campfire.

Husband: The couch smells like burning.

Me: Grab the fabreeze and tell no one that this happened.

Husband: I’ll add it to the list.

All in all, I have no comments on the taste of the bread. All I can think is campfire, campfire, campfire.

I’m sure many of you are wondering where this little adventure has left us. Well, it’s left us with a few wonderful little life lessons. We’ve learned that random fires in a bread machine will cause said bread machine to cease working. So now we are the proud owners of a new machine. It’s a hand me down so we have less guilt if it goes up in flames. We’ve learned that anything can be funny with the right perspective. And it’s been reaffirmed that I am not able to accept defeat. I will not be taken down by these fires, I will try again. And as I attempt not kill another bread machine, I will bring you along for the ride. Because let’s be honest. I make you feel better not only about your own culinary skills, I make you feel better about your life in general!

Happy bread making everyone.

(if you’re wondering where I found these mixes here is where you can start looking: Wegmans, Harris Teeter and Giant. The stock is always in consistent so keep your eyes open.)

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Sometimes, the things that are normal, suddenly become a little strange. It takes a little time, but we all adjust. And we adjust faster when we know what to expect – like who knew that some cities name their streets after letters and when you ask someone where Z (pronounced Zed) street is they’ll tell you they have no idea what your talking about. A Z(ed) is a Z(ee) same thing, but different.

And now that I’ve taken you all on a trip down “Waxing Poetic” lane, I’ll tell you want I really want to…

Van’s Waffles have a new look. See…

Same gluten free waffle, just a different, prettier and easier to read box. Got to love how the words: WHEAT – GLUTEN FREE jump out at you. No more squinting in the freezer section cursing that labels aren’t built for Celiacs.

The ingredients haven’t changed, the taste hasn’t changed, just the packaging. Kind of like me. Same sarcastic Celiac, just trapped in a Masters program in the U.S.A. And one day, when I take over the world with theory and complex papers and graphs, you’ll remember that I was once cool, and you’ll remind of that right? RIGHT?

Okay so here’s the deal. Because I’m so cool. I want to share some presents with you. FREE WAFFLES!!!!!!!!! Yup. That’s right. I got coupons for Free Van’s GF waffles. So the first 5 readers that email me, subject line: Gimme Waffles. Will be given a coupon for FREE WAFFLES. And please, include your email and mailing address – I’m awesome but not telepathic. Oh and this is so international, it isn’t funny. Shall we see if the Canadian and US readers want to race for the coupons?

One more time: email caitlin@glutastic.com. Subject: Gimme Waffles. Include your address and email.

Ready, set, go.

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There are so many things that I miss about Calgary and Canada right now. I miss my family, my friends (who are the same as family), my dog and my old boss. I miss how the use of a car horn is reserved for celebrating a win in hockey or to indicate an emergency – and NOTHING else. I miss how no one gets scared when you say hi to them, even when you don’t know them. I miss being able to find East simply by turning my back to the mountains, I miss the letter ‘U’ and I miss local business.

Moving here has been like being re-diagnosed all over again. Nothing is the same, grocery stores are inconsistent and the rules of ppm are different. I miss knowing what’s okay to eat.

So this post is dedicated to my people at home. Here are some gems in your area. Support local and support the GF conscious business near you.

First: I want to send a shout out to GF Patisserie. Why? Because they are awesome. I’ve never kept that a secret. They are a great example of local business that cares, and that takes the time to do it right. Quality over quantity. It matters – trust me. So to the lovely ladies at GF Patisserie and to the Celiac Husband that supports them – you truly are ROCKSTARS.

Second: Copper Pot Creations. Here’s the deal – I never had the pleasure of eating there. This information comes to me from an insider. Yes, I still have spies in Calgary. Be aware, be very aware! I looked over their mandate and the menu and I’m impressed. Their products are 100% free of wheat/gluten, egg, peanuts, tree nuts, dairy/casein, soy, sesame, fish and shellfish. Not going to lie, I had to stop and think: If the are free of all that, then what is left to cook with? And this, is why I am a domestic anti-goddess. There is lots left and they have made meals that look fantastic out it. They also offer free delivery with the city of orders $30/more. Someone please try them out and let us know how it is. I hope it tastes as promising as it looks/sounds.

Third: Wild Horse Bistro. My sister and my mom stumbled upon this gem when they were at the Farmers Market. And because they are so awesome, they sent the Chocolate Cake mix my way. It’s damn good. Nicely packaged, all ingredients included (at least the non-perishable ones) and easy to make. The cake came out fluffy, moist and rich. Wild Horse Bistro for the win! They operate out of Black Diamond, but can be found at Farmers Markets. Visit the site for more details.

So let me end with this. I miss you all. I miss you’re emails and comments. I miss your silent judgment of my culinary ineptness and even more importantly, I miss hearing about your lives. I may be living in the US, but for as long as I can type, I’ll do my best to contribute to your quest for GF greatness.

If anyone is interested in the directions I am going here, please feel free to follow my new twitter feed: @nonresident. A second blog is on it’s way. Because let’s be honest, I’m never short of things to say and living as a non-resident alien has given me more material than I ever thought possible.

Happy Easter My People.

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Well, I was lucky enough to get my hands on some GF cookies that actually make it okay to like cookies again.

Glutino has a line of cookies that will fool your tastebuds into thinking that you’re cheating on your diet. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about. Making yourself feel like you’re indulging?

Okay, maybe that’s just me. But here are the details, aka my opinions, anyway.

Chocolate Chip

These are good. They are crumbly because they’re supposed to be, and they are not too dry. I don’t know about you but I seriously hate it when cookies are so dry they stick to the roof of your mouth. It’s just not natural. Was I jumping for joy over them? Not really. They kind of left an after taste. And I can’t really find anything that describes it.

Oh wow, did you hear that? It’s the sound of life as we know it changing. I don’t have a descriptive word…something in the universe is out of line. Anyway, they’re good. I wouldn’t pass them up if they were around, but I won’t have dreams about running through a field of flowers with them either.

I say on a scale of 1 to Awesome, these score a Decent.

Chocolate Vanilla Creme

I started out a little apprehensive. The picture makes them look good, like really really good. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

So what were the first words that came out of my mouth when I tried them?  “Oh hello”.

Yes, that’s right, say hello to my new friend the chocolate vanilla creme cookie. Once upon a time there were Oreos, and now there is Glutino. Moist and sweet without being sugary. They crumble the right way and are fantastic for dunking in milk. I personally think they add a little pizazz to the taste of my soy milk. But I’m also a deranged lunatic so don’t take my word on it, try it for yourself.

On a scale of 1 to Awesome, these score a Jumpy Claps.

Vanilla Creme

Dude. No seriously. Dude. Like wow. Not to slam the beautiful little ladies, but move over Girl Guides/Scouts, there is a new Sheriff in town.

These cookies are pure, unapologetic, addictive greatness. Who needs groceries when you can eat Vanilla Creme cookies? That’s it, I’m giving up salad and I am living off of coffee and cookies.

Well, at least for now. Like until Husband gets here and I have to actually share. I don’t share. So I guess I’ll have to make him dinner. Meh, he’s not going to be here for a few more weeks – cookie time at my place!

On a scale of 1 to Awesome, these score an Epic.

Look for them where Glutino is sold near you. And if you’re as lazy and house bound as I am, you can now shop on line at www.glutenfree.com. Oh how the internet just seems to make everything a little easier – if only I could get the internet to do my laundry and clean the house, I’d be one happy Celiac!

Happy Cookie Eating Everyone!

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The Risotto Party!

Wow, I think I just heard you all judging me. Either way, you love me and that surpasses the judgment.

Okay, so how did I discover Risotto? I became a student living alone on a student budget.

You see, as an undergrad student, living on a budget was cool. It meant being creative about turning Ketchup into soup so that you could afford one more pitcher of beer that week. Being a Celiac graduate student on a budget, not so cool. I remember what it was like to have some money – not lots, but we had some. So I remember what steak and BBQ veg tastes like, I remember being able to eat out. Oh how I wish I didn’t remember.

So, why the new love of Risotto you ask? Because it’s my attempt to fancy up cheap food. Oh and it works.

If you want Budget Risotto: skip the chicken broth and the shallots and just use water. BAM, you have Budget Risotto. Some people would call it rice, but I prefer not to split grains like that.

If you want Romantic Risotto: substitute 1/2 cup of chicken broth with white wine. Wine is CHEAP here, so it still fits in the budget, and you can drink while you stir. It makes for a fantastic night.

If you want Fiesta Risotto: use Thai broth instead of chicken broth. I’ve seen these broths at Superstore in Calgary, as well as all over Arlington. Kind of makes you want to get a Chihuahua and name him Gunner doesn’t it? Okay maybe that’s just me, but that would be funny.

The options could be endless. I’m thinking I need to try Tail Gate Risotto and attempt to substitute in some GF beer, or maybe I can make a Rouge Risotto and use red wine as a substitute.

Please someone call an intervention here. I’ve clearly been living alone without any entertainment for too long.

If you have you’re own Risotto tricks please share – I’m always open to suggestions.

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Here is the article, courtesy of my fantastic cousin.

As a side note: Do any of you have issues with people thinking your just on a fad diet? They actually ask at Chianti’s now if your GF choices are a preference or an allergy. My new standard response to people in these situations is to ask: Are you calling me fat? That usually takes the conversation in a whole new direction. I’m thinking that even if my food is gluten free, it might no longer be spit free after that!

Oh and another side note: GF Patisserie, sorry for being so negligent about this. A few weekends ago you helped my mom outfit my bridal shower with the most amazing goodies. Thank you so very very much. I particularly enjoyed watching the gluten eaters be amazed that it all tasted so good. Oh and my niece would like to express her concern – she was really concerned that you never got to sleep because your house was a bakery. I told her it’s okay because we all keep you too busy for sleep. She’s three, I think that one went right over her head. Thanks again, you really do rock my world.

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